fake part2

another way I wonder about fakeness is "am I really happy?
' I feel overwhelmed by my joyous blessings at times but I do know the dark side exists. Am I happy or just pretending to be? I know that many people would not have traded my best day for one of their worst,people have actually told me this, and here I was thinking my life was not so bad. The sucky part that I am dealing with now is that finally at the point with someone I care about and have been with for 8 years and some stupid revenge wanting Bitch has screwed it up...

fake kind of life

I live a fake life. I decided this while I was waiting with DD at the hospital for his treatment to be done. Everytime a nurse came in to check on him I would smile and say thanks so much, then they leave and the smile fades.I worry about DD and his illness, but I keep my worries to myself.how will the disease affect his life? what will the consequences of the meds be??? It pisses me off when I hear parents complain that their child has a cold or threw up in the bed.... please get real... a short 24 hrs later and your kid is fine... have some of my reality. your 7 yrs old has wasted away to 30 lbs and is walking like an old man, can't keep anything down and is in pain.. For almost 8 years DD has lived with this reality. meds every day and night, weekly hospital visits for a shot of a chemo drug,every 6-8 weeks a daylong treatment thru an IV . i am not exactly sure what is in the IV but it is $4000 a treatment. finally DD has grown taller than me and has filled out some breaking over the 110 lb mark. when they tell you puberty may be delayed cause of the steriods used to keep the crohns in check... not a big deal at 7 but a teenager HUGE.